"The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done"

If you didn't hear me say this phrase this past summer, believe me, I did. And, even though I didn't voice it that often (or tired not to), I thought it multiple times a day. Probably starting in late July and through August until the girls were born, I was miserable. I remember having a conservation with my doctor about it. I remember thinking I couldn't make it another day being pregnant--but knowing I had no choice in the matter. I remember not being able to sleep, or eat or move very well. Not to be the complainer, but I believed at that time the last month of the pregnancy was the hardest thing I have ever done. How can it be that bad when someone else is cooking, cleaning, and taking care of your child?

I have come to realize that I may be using that phrase more than once--is that allowed?

Today marks the end of me being able to supply my girls with ONLY breastmilk. I have officially run out of my vast frozen supply I was using to supplement my daily pumping for bottles each day. Currently, I make twelve 5.5-6oz bottles each day. I nurse each baby once a day and pump four times a day. That means I am doing one of those things every 2-3 hours from 6am to 10pm at night. But, I can't keep up with my little piggies :)

Normally, what I pump each day is made into the next day's bottles--and I usually can make six to seven bottles with my fresh milk. So, I have been thawing out enough frozen milk to make five to six bottles each day--so that is around 30-35 ounces. If you saw my freezer in the middle of October, you would be shocked to know the milk is gone! I wish I would have counted the ounces of milk at one point, but never had time. Up until mid October, I was pumping seven times a day and nursing each child twice a day--don't ask how I managed to do much else. But, once I cut back pumping, I wasn't able to store any more breast milk and my girls have been eating more and more, too. Hence, the supply dwindled and now is gone.

Most people I talk to can't believe I am nursing the babies and still pumping. I have to say, I am glad to have made it this far, but still disappointed that I won't make it through their first year without bottles of formula. I was at least hoping to make it to six months. But instead, I made it nine days shy of five months. I am taking comfort in the fact that each baby will still get 2/3 of their intake as breastmilk and rest as formula. Nursing and pumping for triplets is not easy...is it the hardest thing I have ever done? I don't want to make that mistake and say that again.