Jerry constantly was fixing and improving things during his life – our houses, our yards, our cars, and our possessions. For me and my brother and sisters and our family, the most important thing he ever fixed and improved was the life of our Mom, a woman he loved dearly.
I met Jerry during a difficult time in my life, shortly after my Mom and Dad had divorced but several years before my Mom and Jerry began dating. My Mom and Jerry worked together at GTE during that time, and I met and occasionally saw Jerry at company softball games or when visiting my Mom’s office. Much like during the past week, many tears were shed in our family during those years. Wanting the best for my Mom, I prayed often that she would find someone who would love her, make her happy, and instill a new meaning in life for her. I prayed – many times laying in bed at night – that she would find someone like Jerry, a man with whom I had spent very little time but whom I instantly liked.
God answered my prayers – literally. As time passed, Jerry and my Mom started spending more time together and a beautiful love story began.
Before today, I had shared my childhood prayers with only two people: first, with my wife Laura during our years at Ball State; and second, with Jerry – and how glad I am now that I did. Not long after I graduated from college, and shortly before Laura and I and Jerry and my Mom were married, Jerry was on assignment for Verizon in Indianapolis, and we met for breakfast at one of his favorite places, Bob Evans, near Castleton Mall, where I was living at the time. Anyone who knew Jerry knows that his arm did not need to be twisted to get him to Bob Evans. As Jerry would say, if you’re waiting on him to go to Bob Evans, you’re backing up.
So Jerry and I met for breakfast, and we talked about the past and the future, and I eventually let down my guard and told him about my prayers and how God literally had answered them. In Jerry’s typical selfless fashion, he responded by saying that, from his standpoint, I had the story backwards: my Mom had changed his life for the better, not the other way around. Oh how Jerry loved and took care of my Mom, and oh how he changed and brought new meaning to her life. For that, I am eternally grateful. And for proof that God answers prayers, I’ll never need to look any further than to Jerry.
Jerry improved not only my Mom’s life but also the lives of everyone in our family. How many times did he fix things, or answer questions, or take us out to eat and refuse to let us pay, or make us laugh or smile, or offer words of encouragement or advice, or make our lives better in so many other ways? On how many occasions did he help Michael and me move and get settled into our new place? How many weeks did he spend in Illinois helping Laura and me when Laura was pregnant with the girls? How many hours did he spend laying the new floor in Susie and Tim’s kitchen? How many trips did he and my Mom take with Susie and Tim and the girls? In how many ways did he help Cindy? Everyone here knows their own answers to questions like these.
Jerry’s work ethic was second to none. When he came to visit us on weekends, I always went to work completely exhausted on Monday – and I didn’t do a third of what he did. He never stopped, and he never sat down. He’d be in the attic one minute, in the basement the next, then we’d hear his footsteps on the roof, and before long we’d hear the wood saw firing up. He once had Tim so exhausted that Tim stepped through the attic floor while working on one of Jerry’s late-night, home-improvement projects. And following one nineteen-hour workday with Jerry in Illinois, I could hardly stand up straight and was coughing up attic insulation for days. Boy could Jerry work, and boy did he love to help others without expecting anything in return – traits we all could use to exhibit more of in our own daily lives. The lesson is very simple and very instructive for each of us: Jerry understood as well as anyone that love is primarily a verb, more than an intangible feeling or emotion.
In particular, Jerry was an excellent and loving grandfather to our children. They absolutely loved “Papa,” and he loved and adored them. So much so that when I read his obituary this week, the word “step-grandchildren” struck me. Jerry treated our kids so well and did so much for them that, as I told Laura after I read the obituary, it never occurred to me that they were his step-grandchildren, not simply his grandchildren. Never before in my life had I thought of Jerry as anything other than their grandfather – their Papa. Indeed, if anything, he was more than that for our kids and especially for Jake, to whom Jerry was like a surrogate father. That’s certainly how I’ll remember Jerry and I’m sure all of the kids will as well. To paraphrase a great song by Brad Paisley on the kids’ behalf, “looking back all I can say about all the things he did for me is I hope I’m at least half the granddad that he didn’t have to be.”
Jerry was also a great friend to my Uncle John and Aunt Mary. Jerry, my Mom, and Mary attended Mass together here at St. Elizabeth’s every Sunday morning they were in town – at 7:30, to avoid the crowds. And despite their different tolerances for manual labor and the Hawkeyes versus Buckeyes thing, Jerry and John loved spending time together, and it was a real hoot to be around them. They were quite a pair. They also loved taking my Mom and Mary out to dinner, which they had done nearly every Friday and Saturday night for the past ten or fifteen years. Jerry and John got a particular kick out of promising each other that they would not pass away and leave the other to fend for both of the Besancon sisters. I can hear them now telling each other that “you better not go first and leave me with both of these women.” Jerry undoubtedly got the last laugh there. Good luck, Chiz.
Let’s also not forget Jerry’s great sense of humor – like the time when my Mom asked him to drop off what he called “brassieres” to Susie’s house, and he hung them in plain view throughout Susie’s garage so that she would be sure to see them. Jerry made us all laugh.
And how about that bumper sticker on Jerry’s truck? You can be sure that whoever runs against Barack Obama lost a vote and a campaign contribution last Saturday when the Lord called Jerry home.
In the end, Jerry passed away the way he always lived. He was working outside to prepare the house for his daughter Dawn and her family, having just returned from attending one of Noah’s games and dropping something off at Cindy’s house. He died helping others, living out his commitment to love. He’s doing all of the same in heaven today – watching out for us, doing favors for family and friends he’s reunited with, looking for ways to help others, and waiting for each of us to join him.
Thank you for everything, Jerry, especially for being such a great husband to my Mom, whom we will take care of in your honor. You truly were the answer to my prayers – and so much more.
John Scudder
January 21, 2012
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